No, I don’t go to parties
I’m California sober, and I’m lame
I’m too sad for that setting
I’m boring and I wouldn’t change a thing
My speech is slurring lately
I know it’s a slippery slope
I thought it would cure me
I thought it would maybe help me cope
But nope
I’m addicted to feeling numb
I choke up when I think of the things I could’ve done
Done instead
But I crave that rise in dopamine
So much I may throw my brain away
Just to get so high I feel nothing again
‘Til I pop another the next day
And let the thoughts all fade away
My memory is leaving me
I’ll fade to nothing at this rate
Not a social smoker
(Not a social person, first of all)
Not a happy stoner
I lie there like a five foot tall rag doll
Doll
I know that I’ll regret it
Hours every day just playing dead
Morning, resurrected
A zombie rising from a dirty bed
And yet, I ignore my declining health
My self is an unrecognizable silhouette
Silhouette
But I crave that rise in dopamine
So much I may throw my brain away
Just to get so high I feel nothing again
‘Til I pop another the next day
And let the thoughts all fade away
My memory is leaving me
I’ll fade to nothing at this rate
That leaf might as well be pomegranate seeds
The past six years were hell
But now it’s purgatory
With nobody to blame this time
Except for me
But I crave that rise in dopamine
So much I may throw my brain away
Just to get so high I feel nothing again
‘Til I pop another the next day
And let the thoughts all fade away
My memory is leaving me
I’ll fade to nothing at this rate
Fade to nothing at this rate